Dating Brazilian Women

Hi all,

I was chatting on Skype the other day with a Canadian who now lives here in Brazil and has a Brazilian girlfriend. As I am (once again) experiencing issues with a Brazilian woman, Nick shared this blog post with me. It provides advice to American men regarding dating Brazilian women, and is written by a Brazilian woman currently living in the states who writes under the name BrasilMagic.

I think it’s pretty accurate. As I happen to be pretty much the reciprocal of BrasilMagic – an American man living in Brazil – I thought I’d offer up my own thoughts.

This, I fully realize, is a foray into dangerous territory. Giving advice about dealing with the fairer sex – in particular the fairer Brazilian sex – is inherently risky. Any “rule” one tries to set forth will inevitably prove wrong at times. And of course whatever I write, some readers will disagree. So be it. The lord hates a coward. Onward…

First, I want to echo BrasilMagic’s comment that it’s difficult to generalize too much about “Brazilian women”. Brazil is a huge country, the size of the continental U.S., with pronounced regional differences.

Brazil is also in a state of flux. Only a couple of generations ago, women were really just getting their footing in the professional workplace. The focus was still on raising a family.

Then the Brazilian equivalent of Women’s Lib hit. It hit hard, and it hit fast. Today women are dentists and doctors and lawyers and business owners. There’s still a glass ceiling in the larger corporations, but things are changing. To get an idea of just how much things have changed in the last 20 or 30 years, read this article in National Geographic.

I fully expect to take some heat for some of my comments below. So be it. Our opinions are shaped by our own personal experiences. I will just say that, while I’ve had some trying experiences here with women, and had my heart broken a couple of times, I can’t go back to gringas. When I visit the U.S., I find the women to be, as the Brasilians say, sem sal, too bland.

So, diving in, what can we say, in broad strokes anyway, about America/Brazilian relationships?

Heading out for a day in the dunes, Natal, Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil

Gringos e brasileiras combinam…

First I think an American man (and we can include Canadians and many Europeans in the group) and a Brazilian woman can often form a good couple, a couple that functions. Much less frequently do you see a functional couple formed of an American woman and a Brazilian man. Perhaps American women chafe under what they see as lingering machismo.

As for American men and Brazilian women:

  • Brazilian women tend to be very feminine. They wear their hair long, they like to dress up, they have a quiet simple style about them. They seem to truly enjoy being female, if that makes any sense.
  • Brazilian women sometimes have the reputation with gringos for being easy, and you just can’t say that. Social status, region, and personal chemistry, among other factors, all play a part. And don’t let the little swimsuits fool you. That’s just the style here. These do not equate to being easy.
  • Even if you are sincere and trying to be charming, the object of your attentions may be leery at first. She has reason to be. She’s been lied to before. She has been hurt. Many Brazilian guys – sorry, but it’s so true – cheat on their women. Also, many estrangeiros come here specifically with sex in mind. Any nice girl in Copcabana would be foolish NOT to be cautious of an American man on vacation there. You have to persist a bit if you really like her. Show her that you are sincere.
  • What I have found to be true is that a brasileira has to size you up carefully. As noted, they are often leery of foreigners, and often with good reason. But, once she feels comfortable with you, things can move quickly indeed.
  • Age difference is less of an issue here, as is true throughout the Latin world. But typically these days the more educated women seem to prefer men closer to their own age. But not always. Many brasileiras like or even prefer older guys. Perhaps they see us as more financially stable, or perhaps as less likely to be dogs.
  • Many men worry about encountering a gold digger here. Sure, be on the alert, especially if she is vague about her past, doesn’t want you to see where she lives, or otherwise seems sketchy. But I’ve actually found that many simple girls (“simple” here is NOT meant in a pejorative sense at all, but quite the opposite) tend to have very solid, family-oriented values. They DON’T all want to go to the U.S. Rather, they may want to know if you’ll remain here. If a woman is too willing to leave her family and go back with you, it should be a warning sign.
  • Guys, if the object of your affections comes from money, you’d better also. If you don’t, you are probably wasting your time. Social mobility is on the rise here, but old money marries old money. As a foreigner, it will often be assumed that you, too, have money, but watch for the little questions intended to ferret out how much.
  • If, on the contrary, she doesn’t come from money, she may be easily impressed. A movie and a dinner in a nice restaurant – sort of the boring default date back home – may be quite a treat for her and win you points.
  • But don’t take advantage. Brasileiras can be very emotional. You may be exotic and exciting to her. Be aware of this. Don’t lead her on. By the same token, beware of falling too fast yourself. Is it love, or the whole exotic experience? Or maybe that third caipirinha kicking in…
  • As BrasilMagic notes in her first bullet point, Brazilian culture is family oriented. If you don’t audition well with parents, you are going to be at a disadvantage. If, like me, you were raised Southern, fall back on that Southern upbringing and Mom will love you. And Mom needs to like you.
  • If for some reason your new namorada doesn’t want you to meet her family, this is a big warning flag. It may be as simple as they are poor and she’s a bit embarrassed, but regardless it should alert you…
  • Side note: I’ve been to maybe 25 countries, and never anywhere have I seen a culture where attractiveness and money are so highly correlated. The beautiful people are the wealthy people and vice versa. Can you find a pretty girl in Rocinha (the largest favela in Rio)? Sure, but you’ll find many more in Leblon and Ipanema.
  • Brazil is pretty ageist. Sure, there are many lovely young women here. But there are many lovely, intelligent mature women here that do not receive the attention they should.
  • If you text a woman and she doesn’t reply, it could be as simple as she is out of credits. Happens all the time. Call her.
  • Brazilians, both men and women, can be a bit fanatical about personal hygiene. If you don’t scrub every inch of your body at least twice before you step out of the shower, she may look at you askance as she continues to scour away…
  • Pay attention to the little things.  If you open the door, let her enter or exit first, pull out her chair, she’ll appreciate it.
  • The South of Brazil and Sao Paulo are culturally more like North America. The Northeast and North are more traditional. But things are changing rapidly. It used to be, as one simple example, that the man always paid for everything every time they went out. Now many brasileiras take pride in splitting the check or even in treating on occasion. But some can afford to, others can’t, and you need to recognize whom you’re with.
  • Now, Rio? Rio is unique. While it’s relatively easy to hook up (Lapa on Saturday night), it’s not as easy to find a nice woman here for an ongoing relationship. That’s not to say they don’t exist here. They do. But many good girls prefer to stay at home. Many are leery of American men. Many may be timid because they don’t speak English. Then there are the prostitutes, and what I call the “opportunists” who are unemployed or underemployed and will glom on to a likely mark. Oh, and let’s not forget the trannies. Check the hands and adam’s apple! The carioca market is interesting to say the least!
  • OK, you’ve managed to find a good woman. You’re crazy about her, and she seems genuinely into you, too. But what’s with all the drama? Brasileiras love drama. Sometimes I’ve felt like I just fell onto the set of a novela. More than one brasileira has admitted to me that she has manufactured drama, created situations – but they can’t really explain why.
  • If a woman accuses you of cheating, she may be simply displaying that most common of Latin emotions: jealousy. Then again, it could well be a sign that she is cheating on you. Been there…

At times all women are confusing to us men. Brasileiras perhaps just a bit more so… But I will again note that, although Brazilian women can sometimes be maddening, I’m hooked.

Agree or disagree as you will.

John

Still hanging out in Brazil

Come visit beautiful Brazil! Maybe you’ll find the woman you’ve been dreaming of! Or just come to enjoy the sand, sun, surf, and natural beauty that drew me back again and again.

Click the link, fill out the little online form, and let’s get you on your way to YOUR Brazilian adventure!

 

82 responses to “Dating Brazilian Women”

  1. Nick F. says:

    Great post John, well said. I can see that you have a lot of experience with the Brasileiras haha.

  2. Patricia says:

    I was working in a company that are established in a Mall. A new co-worker arrived from São Paulo and became completely “crazy” about the girls from the new office. After one week he discovered that almost all the girls were married, have a fiance or a boyfriend. And the poor guy waited 1 year to date with a Carioca. Imagine a Gringo guy!

  3. Jesse H. says:

    Wow, I’m impressed! You got everything pretty much head on. After I married my first Brazilian years ago (divorced since), I’ve never had another serious relationship with an American girl. Just waiting until I can move back to Brazil and live life like you. Enjoy John!

  4. admin says:

    Hey Jesse! I think this is your first time commenting. Please visit again. Yeah, I’m kind of ruined for American women now. Many I visit the US I feel out of my element! Funny. But I love the women here. So…feminine, if I had to pick one word.

  5. Charles L says:

    Yes, in my estimation your experience is quite valid. I’m going to be in Brazil for 3 months to escape northern winter and connect with a new namorada. Your comments will serve as a useful reminder.

  6. Jay says:

    Hey John

    Thanks for that post, very informative, deeply appreciate it. When you say wealth is correlated with beauty, do you mean that the rich/wealthy Brazilian girls, majority of the time, come from European descent? (Italian, Portuguese, German backgrounds). Obviously because of Brazil’s historical classist society.

    I’m asking because in my city, We have some cariocas but mostly paulistas that come and enroll in our English language schools. Most of them are very light skin – mestizo/creole.

    Please let me know, thanks.

  7. admin says:

    Hi Jay,

    Generally speaking, wealth in Brazil – as throughout the Americas – correlates with lighter skin. And as wealth and beauty correlate strongly in Brazil (and this is not just my opinion), then yes, you could say that here beauty and lighter skin correlate. But that’s of course not to say that there aren’t pretty pardo (brown, mixed) and black women here. Brazil in fact celebrates morenas in song, and that are popular dancers in the Carnival festivities. And you’ll even hear guys here refer to their white girlfriends as “nega” – literally, black girl; it’s term of affection.

    You might want to search here in the blog on “prejudice”. I wrote about how, while there is certainly prejudice here in Brazil, it’s a bit different from what’s encountered in the U.S. Here it’s more class-based, rather than strictly based on skin color, although again there is a correlation between wealth and skin color.

    Please come back and comment again!

  8. Eric says:

    I’ve met a 39 year old, divorced, with a 7 year old boy, she’s very attractive, a nurse and she says into fashion design. I am 53, I live in America met her on a dating site, she says she wants a relationship, time is running out, I want one to. Am I crazy? She seems very serious, oh and she speaks English perfectly. thanks!

  9. admin says:

    Hi Eric,
    Sorry, but this is something you’ll have to figure out on your own. I will only say that long-distance relationships rarely work out. If you think that you two might truly have something, then come down and meet her. But Eric, be careful if she asks for financial help. I’ve seen that happen. Follow your heart, but think with your head.

  10. Chris says:

    Hey John,

    I met a Brazilian women who works for my company at a conference. On day 1, she was staring at me and making lots of eye contact. She also asked me to go to Napa with her for the weekend (our conference was in San Francisco) but I didn’t go because I brought a women on the trip with me. The Brazilian was married and so I’m confused. Did she just want a no strings fling or was she really just wanting to hang out as friends? If she was american, I’d say for sure she just wanted to hook up but this is my first encounter with a Brazilian so I’m second guessing do to the culture disconnect. Later in the conference, I tried picking up the flirting but she seemed less interested which is good I suppose because I’ve always stayed away from married women.

  11. admin says:

    Hi Chris,

    I really can’t say for certain based on the info you provide whether the woman just wanted something friendly or to hook up. I will say that I used to travel almost every week for business, and there were about as many women looking for something hit and run as men. You could find them especially Wednesday nights in the hotel lounge. But as you say, best not to mess with the married ones. Just a bad policy all around. There are many nice single women here. Come visit!

  12. Sara says:

    John, o texto disponibilizado por você é maravilhoso e vários tópicos abordados condizem com a realidade. É reconfortante chegar em um site e ler uma abordagem mais séria, mais sensível, menos preconceituosa. Eu não sei inglês mas não tive dificuldades em entender o texto e comentários devido à utilização do google tradutor. Vou ler suas outras publicações e desejo que você seja muito feliz em meu país.

  13. Alexsandra says:

    Thanks for the sincere and respectful post, John. I would like to invite you and your readers to join our facebook group for single people who are looking for a serious relationship. This is a conversation very fun and lively, and can make great friendships, besides finding the soul mate. Join us here…

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/Namorosonline/816670828344370/?notif_t=group_comment

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  16. Dwayne says:

    Awesome dialogue! Most American women would be easily offended with 99% of this I’m sure . But us men don’t like to sugar coat anything but still respect each other opinions. American women are too judgemental and insecure in my opinion to handle this kind of subject. As I found out in life, you can never make 100% people happy no matter what you do or how hard you try, so don’t even bother. Just keep it moving. lol. Do what makes you happy. I have met women from there native country and they are very different there as well. There are alway pros & cons. I am looking forward to traveling to Brazil. No expectations.

  17. Art says:

    John,

    I’ve been with a brasileira for (14) months and it has been incredibly exciting and fun, all that you say is accurate in my experience. The drama is beyond imagination, and the inter-family drama is like a soap opera they love to hate each other and then love each other, and so it goes. As long as you’re patient and can ride the roller coaster of emotions that is their culture you will be rewarded with a wonderful relationship. The most difficult thing is that Brasileiras don’t trust men and they are always testing you…I have experienced the manufactured drama that you speak of and at first I was confused but now I know the drill and let it play out. One thing that concerns me based on observation of my girls family and friends is that Brasileiras don’t seem to be in it for the long run and appear to get bored, want a new challenge and at the drop of a hat are willing to change horses without looking back. Have you noticed this?

    Art

  18. admin says:

    Hi Art,
    I’ve seen both steadfast fidelity and unabashed fickleness here. In Rio, you have to be careful when choosing a partner, male or female. Most people seem to be shopping all the time. In the South of Brazil, women take longer to woo, but then are more faithful, too. (Sorry, didn’t mean to rhyme there.) In the North and Northeast, I think you can find more traditional women, with good values (although also lots of prostitutes and opportunists, driven by poverty). So it’s hard to say.

  19. Simone says:

    Thanks very much for your post. I’m happy to hear that not all foreigners see us as a. Prostitutes or b. Gold diggers.

    Many men have the wrong idea about Brazilian women. And this sometimes drives me crazy. I’ve been to the US many times and it is frustrating to hear some guys speaking about us.

  20. admin says:

    I am not sure why so many American men have this idea, but it’s true. Of course there are some Brazilian women who are prostitutes (usually due to lack of other opportunities) or gold diggers. But the same is true in the US, and probably anywhere. And most Brazilian women are sincere. Maybe it is the swimsuits, I don’t know. It’s just the style here, but many American guys see a small bikini and think the girl must be easy.

    Interestingly – and I don’t know if you are aware of this – Brazilian men and also visitors here selectively seek out American women because they believe American women are easy. They hear about Americans “hooking up” and see young American women here getting completely drunk and then expect to have sex almost automatically.

    What ever happened to getting to know someone first before sex? I guess I am a fossil.

  21. Bobby says:

    Hey John,

    This is an awesome site. I wish I had come across it sooner! haha. I recently returned back to the United States from my trip to Brazil. I wasn’t able to watch the US play, but i did catch a few FIFA World Cup games in both Sao Paulo and Rio.

    While in Sao Paulo I met a beautiful light-skinned Brazilian girl at a club called Maevva in Itaim. She was with her family and friends celebrating her sister’s birthday. I had a few drinks prior, and somehow became part of the group and ate birthday cake with everyone. They were all very friendly. I took this girl to the dancefloor and we danced the whole night until her family had to leave. We added each other on Facebook. I took her on a date two days later and have been talking to her since.

    Long story short, I am infatuated with her and am thinking about marrying her. I think it is going to be a difficult road bringing her to the United States, especially teaching her English and all that, but I can’t help but look forward to it. She seems like a loyal girl with a good heart, and yeah, very pretty.

    Luckily there has been no drama, she has told me she wants to finish college this year before marriage, she cares about looking good, but does not come across as high-maintenance. I hope I hit the jackpot and am not in for a rude awakening.

    Until then I will be going through all of your posts as I believe I will be taking more trips to Brazil in the months to come.

    Obrigado!!!

  22. Sueli says:

    Hey,
    I really appreciate to read your post. Thanks for sharing your experience with Brazilian women. I just sent that to my American boyfriend. He loved it and told me that now he understand why I am so dram queen. LoL. I did not know I was.

  23. Brett says:

    I am australian living in brazil, speak portuguese, have money, am decent looking, 30 years old, i surf and am fit and healthy. I really don’t want to come across as being arrogant but i have no trouble getting girls in australia. But i have been in brazil for 3 months and i have hooked up with one girl only for 1 night. I am about to leave brazil as i am tired of how stupid and boring the women are here. The brazilian guys are awesome and i have many friends here that are welcome any time in my country. I feel sorry for the guys here that they have to put up with so much drama from the girls. The guys lie to the girls and tell them they are beautiful etc because thats what you have to do here to get laid. I am not here to try and sleep with as many girls as possible. IN fact i would love to find a brazilian girlfriend to live here with or in australia. But i much prefer my culture for this as we are much more honest and don’t need to tell each other lies to hook up. Australian girls will tell you that they are interested but they aren’t just going to sleep with you unless you make some more effort and we expect the girls to make effort also. We only tell the girls they are beautiful if we really mean it so we don’t need to lie.

    But here in brazil the girls play so hard to get that the guys need to lie to them just so they can hook up with them. Then the brazilian girls complain about how they were lied to and how brazilian guys are all playboys. Its the fault of the women not the men here.
    I absolutely love and prefer the people and the food and many other things about this country but this one frustrating aspect makes me not want to be in brazil. The girls here are so beautiful, sexy, feminine and affectionate, thats why gringos love them but the way they act towards guys really makes me not want to be with them and put up with their stupidity. I feel like a desperate, dishonest dog trying to constantly chase them which is completely the opposite in my country. If you lie to girls in australia and try to tell them they are beautiful etc and desperately try to chase them like in brazil they won’t want anything to do with you. This is why so many brazilian girls go to australia and can’t meet a guy because they act so rude towards us and expect us to do what ever they say. I met a hot brazilian girl from porto alegre who lived in sydney for 5 years and didn’t meet a single guy…5 years!!!! Brazil is the only country where girls act this way. I don’t know why brazilian girls have a reputation as being easy as they are the most difficult women i have ever had to deal with. Maybe its because they wear small bikinis and act so sexy that it seems as though they are easy but its the complete opposite. If you aren’t willing to put in a huge effort here(learn portuguese, spend a lot of money and chase and lie to girls here) you won’t meet a brazilian girl so don’t bother coming if this is what you were thinking. You should definitely come for the friendliness of the people, the beautiful country and food but thats all

  24. Ana Luiza says:

    I never comment on blogs but I really laughed with the hygiene part. 🙂 On the other hand, as a carioca, it makes me said to hear bad stuff about Rio, even if it might be true. I guess you know this already because you live here. I’ll read more of your blog.

    xoxo,

    Ana.

    P.S. You’re right. I’m a family girl, you wouldn’t find me in Lapa.

  25. James says:

    John,

    Thank you for this information as it is quite helpful. I recently have been in contact with a Brazilian women via email and from all I can discern she is a real person and so I was in need of such information. She is quite a lovely older lady (my age range) and would like to continue to see if this is something worth pursuing so any additional information would be quite helpful.

    James

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  35. Michele says:

    Well, well, well…Firstly, I must say I had a great time reading the blog, specially this topic. The truth is, we are over 200 million brazilians spread all over the country…It would be impossible to say that there’s only one kind of brazilian behavior. That’s crazy. And stupid. And wrong ( and applies to every country ).The real truth is: Wealth usually is correlated to beauty and/ or education, but it’s not a rule.In the other hand, there are so many gold diggers-specially in the Northeast Region, the poorest region. I don’t mean to be rude, but those women are SO different from the others brazilian women. Once again, no intention to be rude, but most of them are only interested in finding a “gringo”, get married and leave Brazil. Such a shame.
    I love traveling and I being around the globe a bit could show me that being a brazilian girl might me really nice, but everytime I say I’m from Brazil, I notice guys acting like “oh, this is gonna be soooo easy!” and getting disappointed when they eventually realize it’s not gonna be that easy, at all. The point is: we have a bad fame around the world, we know it, but we are doing whatever it takes to change. We are so many! I could even say Im not the typical brazilian girl at all ( and neither many of my girl friends). We like to be feminine and do girly stuffs sometimes, but all the drama and the jealously and the crapy things that ruin a relationship I prefer to skip ( unfortunatelly, some of my girl friends still don’t ). Maybe because I’ve traveled a bit or maybe because Im so interested in people in general, no matter where they’re from, I feel offended when people think Im gonna be a easy hook up just because Im brazilian. Anyway, if you intend to come to Brazil thinking that all the girls have the same typical behavior, be aware: you might have the biggest disappointment of your life, or maybe madly fall in love for one of us.

  36. admin says:

    Hahaha, well said, Michele. Of course, generalizations are dangerous. I do think it’s true what you say about “gold diggers” in the Northeast – although I also think it’s because of poverty and lack of opportunities. Brazil is a huge and diverse country, and there are very pronounced regional differences. And VERY pronounced class differences as well. Falling back to generalizations, I would say that poorer girls are easier, and wealthy girls can be extremely difficult. I also think that’s true almost anywhere. And of course there are plenty of exceptions in every class.

    Brazil unfortunately does have a reputation for “loose” women. I am certain that Carnaval is a major reason. Also, many foreign men see the small bikinis and think that the women wearing them must be easy – not realizing that it’s just the style here.

    But many men here – Brazilians and tourists – chase American women. Many believe that Americans just like to “hook up” and so the women are easy. In my experience, I’d rate American and Brazilian women pretty much equal in this regard. There are other differences though. I find Brazilian women – Latin women in general – to be more feminine, in dress and behavior, and I like that. Viva la diference!

    One final comment: Socially, things are changing rapidly in Brazil these days. Women are becoming much more independent, in finances and in outlook. Sometimes that means they feel comfortable “hooking up”. Sometimes it means that they are really selective.

    But what do I know? rssss

  37. admin says:

    Hi Brett, I’m going to guess that you stayed mostly in Rio? Because the culture in Rio is much as you say. But in other regions and in smaller towns, you’ll find the women more sincere. Another very important factor is being introduced. If you are introduced by a trusted friend or family member, it smooths the way tremendously. Brazilian women typically are leery of guys that just approach them, and I think you can understand why. It can be very hard to gauge people here.

  38. admin says:

    Hi Sueli, Tell your BF that you aren’t a drama queen. You are just interesting. kkkk

  39. admin says:

    Start with WordPress, which can be installed fro free by many web hosts like GoDaddy. Then select a theme you like. You ahem to pay for some, but there are may good free ones, too. WordPress is extremely flexible and there are lots of plug-ins. However, it is susceptible to malware, so stay on top of things. Keep all plug-ins, etc, updated. And find a techie. You can find inexpensive ones on eLance.com. Good luck!

  40. admin says:

    Sure, I get spam comments, often selling SEO services, sometimes completely off-the-wall services. I’d be happy to learn what plug-ins or other strategies you use for reducing spam.

  41. Lilian M. says:

    I liked all the comments, and also agreed with, i m still single if you got a friend just help me, I not happy with the Brazilian guys.. Maybe a American boy make me happy for ever…
    Kisses

  42. admin says:

    Hi Lilian, Who knows? Perhaps some American guy will see your post and write to you. Reply to me here with your e-mail address.

  43. Jamie Bowman says:

    The distance is very hard. You have to send letters, packages and visit as often. There is something very special about Brazilian women.

  44. Confused says:

    John,

    Terrific post, thank you. I know this isn’t an advice site, but I figured what the heck, why not put this out there, for anyone who wants to respond.

    I’m in the states, in my 50s, dating a Brazilian woman, also in her 50s, for 8+ months. She has lived here over 20 years and is independent and has no problem supporting herself. I adore this woman, and we’d been talking (her idea, but I was definitely on board) about moving toward marriage. She has been pulling away emotionally, even saying I’m wonderful, attentive, patient, that my actions show I want to be in a relationship – i.e., not a single complaint. But she says I’m not ready for a relationship. She won’t or can’t explain what she means, and I am pulling my hair out. I actually thought that for once, I was doing everything right/

    Could there be something cultural going on here??

    I am very clear in my desire to be with her, but do Brazilian women want/need constant over the top, emotional declarations of everlasting love? (I truly know it’s tough to generalize).

  45. admin says:

    Hi guy, I’m not one to give relationship advice, so I’ll let others reply if they’d like. But I do wish you the best! Finding that right person is not easy…

  46. Christina says:

    I’m european but I’ve been living in Brazil for 5 years now. I agree with almost everyhting you wrote here. I just have one thing to add from my own experience. Be careful with brazilians (men and women), they don’t have the same moral values as we do. They lie, cheat, steal, kill (if they have to) to get what they want.

  47. admin says:

    Hi Christina, While your comments may be a bit strong, yes, you do have to be careful here. Many Brazilians, certainly the women (maybe the men, I just don’t have experience dating them!) can really twist things around to justify their actions. Cheating is pretty common, especially in Rio. I live in the South now, and I like it because the culture and the values are much more like what I grew up with in the US.

  48. Christina says:

    You’re absolutely right! I live in Salvador (Bahia), so here the differences are huge and very difficult to deal with (at least for me).

  49. Elo says:

    Hello, I’m from south of Brazil and I’m white but I’m not rich. Haha

  50. admin says:

    Well, that makes two of us!

  51. Andrea says:

    Great post. I agree with almost everything you put here. Except this “drama thing” I don´t know a single person who does it, at least my relatives, friends and coworkers don´t. People from south are like europeans, so they are more easy to deal with for foreigners. About Christina comments, well she generalizes a lot, bad people you can find everywhere, maybe she´s pissed off because someone did something bad to her.

  52. USGL says:

    Hi, I’m sorry for my english, I only speak portuguese, spanish and french. But I liked reading your experience in my country.

    The part of personal hygiene is absolutely true 🙂

    For the Brazilians, we usually like to take two showers daily, and now I remember my spanish family (I’m the daughter of a spanish father and brazilian mother – Fortaleza, Ceará) who told me to shower more than once a day was absurd 🙁

    Well, after living half of my life outside Brazil, I understand the various viewpoints of foreigners, both negative and positive.

    Ok, Brazil has a vast territory and its culture also differs between their cities, regions and people.

    I really think that women are a little tired of men, and maybe, they seek to foreigners because they think in the newness, in the stability, in love, start a family and in faithfulness.

    We forget that these sentiments are relative and that finding the right person can be difficult.

    There are also women who are seeking easy money, not only in northeast Brazil, in the south there are also many brazilian women and men seeking it easy. And, what about the other countries?

    This story in the south of Brazil there isn’t poverty, it isn’t true, maybe the south poverty may not be so pronounced compared to northeast.

    And finally, the comment Christina – February 1, 2015 at 17:24 –

    I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but I think independent of experience you’ve had that’s part of life. You can’t generalize to all people. The moral values that you said, belongs to each person individually. All races lie, cheat, steal, kill (if they have to) to get what they want.

    And in this relationship is the fact adaptation to foreign culture, communication and mutual respect, and conviviality between the couple. If both haven’t idea of walking together it’s unlikely that the couple progress.

    So today I have 30 years and I still haven’t found the man of my life. And I don’t think it has to be tested to see if he’s the chosen one 😉

  53. JohnInBrazil says:

    Hi Andrea, thanks for commenting. But really, you don’t know ANY Brazilian women who manufacture drama? I’ve met more than one that admitted that she like to create drama, that is added spice to the relationship. But I must say, this is just Brazilians, it’s Latinas in general. A woman who doesn’t create drama is, after all, sem sal, as you say here, right?

  54. Marcillene says:

    É maravilhoso saber que ao menos um estrangeiro não generaliza ao se tratar de brasileiras… Ao longo da minha vida, tenho lido bastante tópicos de como o mundo veem os brasileiros, e principalmente as brasileiras.
    É muito triste a generalização pois por motivos de a mídia mostrar apenas o futebol, o carnaval e as praias, logo eles associam as imagem a nudismo, a mulheres fáceis e a vulgaridade, prostituição e etc…
    Não seria hipócrita de dizer aqui, que não existem mulheres fáceis, prostitutas e interesseiras, mas em qual parte do mundo não existe?
    Esses são problemas de sociedade de qualquer parte do mundo e não problemas apenas relacionado ao Brasil. Obrigada por mostrar sua opinião em publico John. Espero que você aprecie o Brasil e possa tirar melhores proveitos dele. Seja bem vindo!

  55. JohnInBrazil says:

    Oi Marcillene, Yes, I think that in general the media are not fair to Brazil. But the media these days has little interest in fairness or in devoting time to discover the truth. The media today is simply another from of entertainment, vying for people’s attention. Sex and sensation grab that attention. Brazil certainly has its problems, but it is a huge and diverse and beautiful country, and overall the people here are honest, sincere, and warm. / Also, I think that most of the sexual tourism that exists in Brazil is a result of a lack of other options for young girls (and boys). I wish that the government would make a sincere and sustained effort to improve the public education system here. Quotas are not the answer. A solid education and solid job opportunities are needed. But this is another topic for another post…

  56. Rick Coley says:

    Oi John, I really like your article.I agree with what you wrote. I have been traveling to Brazil since 2002.I am an American Navy Vet that has traveled the world.My two favorite countries are Texas and Brazil !!!!!!!! RSSSSSS LMAO Like other countries.I have seen the good,bad and ugly of Brazil. Yes,the Latin women love the drama but that’s what makes them spicy and wonderful.I think learning Portuguese is a must and spending more than a few weeks to a month getting to know Brazil.Enjoy the Brazilian culture first and love can and will come later. If you want to meet a nice Brazilian woman then don’t just hangout in the Gringo areas.Travel all over Brazil and you will love it like I do! Yes, watch out for gold diggers but every country has them. Don’t think with your heart or drink on an empty stomach ! Good luck !!!!!!!! TE AMOR BRAZIL !!!!!!!!!

  57. Renato says:

    i need i advise. A guy told me to hit the chat channels before going to brazil. First hit a site like parperfeito and look for brazillian near the place where i book hotel.
    what do you think? what is the best site to find more brazillian? Is it parperfeito?

  58. Denise says:

    That is true, I am a Brazilian lady and know a lot about it! If is there any American (Men or women) interested in meet Brazilian people( men or women) please join my website for free, no membership is necessary to start to connect with the BR/US. Please check the video before you subscribe to understand about the rules about photos etc. Our website is very serious and 100% monitored. We do not accept silly things, if you know what mean. Good luck to you!
    https://youtu.be/vkEqv3-QWgo
    http://www.amobrazilian.com

  59. Aline says:

    Hi, John. I loved your article, and found it really realistic. I’m from Rio and agree with everything you’ve written.

    Enjoy your adventure in my city and be careful with the bitches, lol!

  60. Iasmyn Mendonça says:

    Não procurem brasileiras em sites,pois não são confiáveis. Pessoalmente, aqui no Brazil é que você deve procurar uma brasileira.

  61. Grennan King says:

    I hope to move to Brazil one day to meet my beautiful wife I had read you guys comments and all and they are all interesting to me but yeah I’m 16 years old my facebook name is GrennanKing and I live In Louisville KY. Contact me if you want to talk more about BRAZIL THANK YOU GUYS…

  62. cortejando says:

    Very well said about dating a brasilian. I have found my woman but from my experience, gringos have the biggest issue of approaching a woman (I see it all the time in Europe as well). If you are shy, you can try website like htttp://www.cortejando.com?utm_source=johninbrazil&utm_medium=comment , unlike most of other website, this one is not only fully free, but it focuses on getting you to meet people. It is funny that most of the ‘dating’ sites are actually – chatting sites! there you make a date and girls start talking to you 🙂

  63. Carolina says:

    Bem, eu acho que você não teve sorte então… Se só encontrou gente que faz drama pra apimentar a relação então você deve ter se relacionado com mulheres imaturas. Uma coisa que diferencia a mulher brasileira das outras é que nós não gostamos de joguinhos, falamos na cara se estamos interessadas. Good luck next time! 😉

  64. JohnInBrazil says:

    Hi Carolina, As you are a Brazilian woman, I am not surprised that you take this position. But through the years I’ve dated many Brazilian women, younger and older, many or most college-educated, and drama has often been a part of the relationship. In her more honest moments, a brasileira may even admit that she likes creating drama, for the spice. And my experiences are by no means isolated. Most gringos will tell you the same thing. If it makes you feel any better, brasileiras are no more drama-prone than colombianas.

  65. Fatun Sam says:

    Wonderful article, I love it. What’s their attitude towards blacks, as I notice emphasises on American men. Are there race sensitive?

  66. Viv says:

    Gringos, if you keep going to Rio and North East of Brazil, that’s all you’ll find: cheaters, liars, poor women trying to marry you due their poverty. So wake up! Brazil is huge, and the better place to go is South and Southeast, where people has more culture and things to offer. São Paulo, Curitiba are great options.
    All gringo are going to Manaus, Amazonia, Rio, oh please, think different and be surprised.

  67. sam says:

    Hi John. Im dating a southern Brazilian. She is not expressing much affection yet. Do Brazilian girls take time to become affectionate? In the south are they more conservative?

  68. JohnInBrazil says:

    Hi Sam, It’s tough to generalize too much, but Brazilians from Rio Grande do Sul are said to be more reserved. I happen to live in RS now, and will agree with that statement. They are, in comparison with Cariocas or Nordestinos. I don’t know specifically where your girl is from, but it might be partly cultural. But it could be chemistry. Hard to say.

  69. Carolina Palmeira says:

    “I can’t go back to gringas. When I visit the U.S., I find the women to be, as the Brasilians say, sem sal, too bland.” I love this part. Lol… My ex bf went to US and I feel bad and insecure about that. I would like to tell him that I love him, but I didn’t. I hope he miss me and come back soon.

  70. Richard says:

    I have been corresponding with a fantastic woman for months and by coincidence, I have always been told by the USA women I have lived with in the past — that I am NOT a typical American male… Having lived overseas fot 7 years, much of that as a civilian and having married a Basque for 19 years previously… I believe I have an edge towards success…

    Bravo to these sorts of sites. My Spanish is perfect, I also have moderate – Tarzan like Arabic skills – and look foreard to learning Portuguese…

    My lady friend seems sincere, and unknowingly, we have both hit all the relative high points in this article as well as others I have read… Yes, I care enough to do my homework.

    She is educated, only 12 years younger than I and looking for a stable relationship. She had been married to an Asian man once and lived overseas… So, let’s see where we eventually wind up living.

    Take the leap, land on your feet… See what life brings.

    Richard

  71. JohnInBrazil says:

    Hi Richard,

    I have to chuckle. When I lived in South Florida, I was told I don’t know how many times that I am not a “typical American”. It was always meant (unfortunately) as a compliment, so take it that way.

    Relationships are challenging, cross-cultural ones perhaps more so. But after 20 years dating Latinas, I find gringas generally to be, as they say here in Brazil, sem sal – “without salt” – no flavor, no spice.

    Best of luck to you. Glad you found the post helpful. Comment any time.

  72. Loly says:

    John,

    Sou brasileira e estou namorando há 3 meses um gringo online. Tenho 28 anos e ele é 4 anos mais velho que eu. O que me fez procurar um homem de outra nacionalidade foi exatamente o que uma colega pontuou acima. Querer constituir uma família, querer ter certeza de que o meu companheiro será fiel à mim (fui traída pelo namorado anterior – brasileiro), desejar estabilidade.. Não me enquadro no tipo de mulher interesseira. É triste admitir, há muitas por aqui. Tenho um bom emprego aqui e quero ter certeza de que “É ELE” para então apresentá-lo a minha família. Queria mudança, mas agora estou com receio do quanto a minha vida irá mudar (mesmo com pouco tempo, já conversamos sobre isso) e queria achar um blog que desse dicas da situação oposta haha
    A parte de sermos “drama queens” é a mais pura verdade. A gente não tem ideia, pois é parte da nossa cultura agir desse jeito, só não nos damos conta disso. O que mais me deixa apreensiva é sentir saudade do meu país e como eu lidaria com a distância. Ameeeei seu post.

  73. Michael says:

    I met a Brazilian lady from Recife online last summer. We communicated daily and two weeks ago I flew to meet her. Priorities in her life are romance and stability. Both seem equally important. Had I never met face to face I would have never understood just how affectionate this woman could be… we are a match.

  74. JohnInBrazil says:

    Glad to hear it, Michael! For some reason, the gringo/brasileira combination often seems to work well. I wish you all the best.

  75. Abdul says:

    Hi John
    I am also planning to go to Brazil in Sept and hopefully I meet a genuine Girl .
    Is there a web you would recommend that I should try to start chatting with some girls before I go ?
    Many thanks
    A

  76. Fátima de Luzie says:

    Congratulations!We are not the 50’s Picture that brazilian machist society sold to the world!

  77. Nay says:

    Nice post John!I agree with almost everything. I also agree with the “drama” part. I read some bad comments about North Brazil, but in general people here are so nice and genuine. However, most people are not rich, and for this reason in general they “don´t care” too much about money as in other parts of Brazil. There are many beautiful girls in the North, but some of them don´t have money to really take care of themselves. In general, they keep their natural beauty, but they are super exotic because some of them are indian decendent.

  78. JohnInBrazil says:

    This has probably been my most popular post. It’s a topic whihc people find interesting, and most people do seem to agree ith most of my comments. But of course relationships are usually complicated, and it’s difficult to generalize. I will just say that I prefer Latin women. They can be difficult, but I now find gringas to be “sem sal.”

  79. Maria says:

    I am a Brazilian woman, and I’m disappointed with the view of most of you about my parents. Many generalize: all think Brazil is just samba, beach, vulgarity and pejorative. It is true that we have beautiful beaches here, the Fortaleza, Recife, Bahia and Rio Here we use short clothes because of the heat, here it is very hot:. 32 ° C. How could we wear a jacket in a heat like this? We would die of heat. We use short clothes to the free feeling, feel the wind, the weather, is not for us to display. With regard to women “aproveitadoras” here has, but it depends what you are looking for. If you look only for beauty and gender, you will certainly find. But if you look honest women, working, studying, with good values ​​and struggling to succeed in life, they will also find. But does this is reciprocal? Women here are also afraid of being cheated, of knowing a scoundrel, dog and have their hearts broken, they are Brazilians or foreigners. I am a woman of 28 years old, married, studied at universities, and work honestly to cooperate with the household expenses, I love with my husband. Here are spontaneous and cheerful. Brazil is a huge country in area, and therefore cultural diversity is also very large. Each country in the region has a different culture. Sounds like you know just the Rio culture, unfortunately … note: I live in the northern region of Brazil, in the Amazon, but my town does not have forest and Indian, as many think. They find it strange? It’s true: I live in the Amazon, in a city with buildings that have internet, computer use, I’m not mobile and primitive or savage. Be careful not to believe in myths that speak there.
    (Sorry for the mistakes that I speak Portuguese and my English is not very good).
    Hugs! I love people, different places and cultures.

  80. Maria says:

    The Brazil is beautiful: its nature, its music, dances, rhythms and people. It has a great diversity. I live here and I will not leave here for anything. I can even meet other countries, but I love my place: Brazil.

  81. Tom says:

    I currently have a Brazilian g/f she
    is The Best thing to have ever happen to me. She is very smart and super beautiful (she’s modeling ger Way through school). However, she wants to be done with Brazil and move to the US because she believes that the US is a better place for culture exploring, and she’s sick of living in a city (Porto Alegre) with rising violence. She loves her family, but she has the determination to make it on her own. Also, its super cute the way she says “yes” she’s like “yaass”.

  82. JohnInBrazil says:

    Hi Maria, Thank you for your honest comments. I also love Brazil. If you read a few more of my posts you would see that I know many cities in Brazil, not just Rio. Very likely I have visited more cities here than you have! I tried to be balanced in my observations. You appear to have taken them a bit personally. Feel free to explroe the blog more and realize that I too know and love this country. 😉

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